...and then, Commander, I'm going to
rip that uniform off you and...

Okay, tonight I'll be Xena,
Warrior Princess and you be...

You first. No, you first.
No, really, I insist, you first...

...and then the bajoran in the chicken
suit said....

Just exactly how many
bottles of Romulan Ale
did you drink, Commander?

I wonder if her underwear
are Starfleet issue...

Seven's soft side: "Cease your
expulsion of tears, infant. Your
maternal figure is currently present."

...so then I said, "If you
want a speciman of that from
me, you'll have to rub my..."

Very funny, Mr. Paris! Now
beam down my uniform!

Chakotay, do I read over
your shoulder while your
chatting on Yahoo?

Really?! The Captain is now
dating holograms?!? Lucky me!

Uh...Captain. The Trelarian
Bird-eating spider Tuvok had
at his station has gotten loose!

Very well, Captain. Since it has
been so long for you, I will explain
it again. The man's body contains the
fertilizer and the woman's body contains
the eggs...

Commander, stop looking at my
chest when I'm talking to you!

...and I caught a Sarcadian
bull fish. It was this big!"

Unfortunately for both of us,
Mr. Neelix, it is time for your
yearly proctology exam.

What do you mean you saw Seven
swallow a whole frankfurter?!?

Really, Tuvok! I thought that
part of your anatomy would've
been... bigger.

Now Doctor, how about I
examine you this time, hmmmm?

Chakotay, can you really touch
your nose with your tongue?

Yes, Mr. Paris. After we play
naked Twister, I thought we
could....

And for my next shadow puppet,
a rabbit!

Is it my imagination,
or am I overdressed?

Click the communicator above to return to the top of the page.

Chakotay! I'm telling you for
the last time. Get out of
my underwear drawer!

Well, hello Chakotay. I appreciate
your saluting me, but where are
your clothes?

No, Kathryn. I don't think it
can be used to make coffee.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

A brief but horrifying glimpse
at Ensign Expendable's worst
nightmare.

Janeway to Security!
Intruder Alert!

You say you can tie a cherry
stem in a knot with your
tongue, Kathryn?

It's okay B'Elanna. I won't
tell Tom if you don't tell
the Captain.

Okay, Tuvok! This time I'll
count to ten and you go hide.

ah...ah... ACHOOOO!!!

What the hell is that smell?!?!

Kathryn, this dress really
brings out your...eyes.

Those aren't my eyes, Chakotay.

So, I won the Voyager's Hunk
of the Year award again, huh?

...and so I said, "Tuvok, with ears like
that you should pick up Starfleet signals
from here."

I knew when the replicator
produced that can of AquaNet
this was going to be a bad day!

Um...Tom? When I asked you to
create a holodeck program where I
could go to cool off, this isn't what
I had in mind!

Oh God! Who is this LadyChakotay,
and why is she writing all these
naughty stories about me?

So, Tuvok. One mind meld with me
and you think my mind is this barren?

Okay, whose idea was it to
make Tuvok the Easter Bunny?

God! If I have to hear about
Leola root for one more minute
I'll self destruct!

Lt. Torres, if I hear of you trying
to jettison Seven into space again,
I'll put you in the brig. Understood?

Judging by the look on
Janeway's face, I'm guessing
Chakotay's at the helm.

Oh Kathy! Stop sulking! I'll
give Chuckles his tattoo back. But first, you must do something for me...

And last, but certainly not least...
the three men who fuel far too
many of LadyChakotay's fantasies.
YUUUUMMMMMMY!